Pushing your bike

The OzHPV club wanted some “publicity statements” to put in press packs for the upcoming “OzHPV Challenge”. Here’s my “contribution”….

Are you sick of just being another leg-shaving, advertising-covered-lycra-clad, five thousand dollar carbon fibre bicycle-rider who becomes invisible in a peleton along with all the other leg-shaving, advertising-covered-lycra-clad, five thousand dollar carbon fibre bicycle-riders? And pissed off because after spending all that money you still can’t win any races?

Well, why not try recumbents?! You’ll be noticed! Kids under 14 will yell “Cool Bike!” Men over 50 will pull you over to ask stupid questions. Leg-shaving, advertising-covered-lycra-clad, five thousand dollar carbon fibre bicycle-riders will pretend to ignore you, but will envy you your armchair ride, uncrushed gonads and your luxuriant leg hair as it rustles briskly in the breeze of your passage.

But you still won’t win any races.

——

Addition: some targeted advertising copy

To the corporate high flyers:

“Let’s face it, you’re not cutting quite as dashing a figure on the old road bike down Beach Road any more, are you? Lycra and too many after-work drinks and client functions are a bad combination. Have you considered changing to a recumbent cycle? Let the laid-back position and gravity hide the visible signs of overindulgence!”

To the prospective family men:

“Stop grinding your goolies. Boost your sperm count by riding a recumbent!”

To the lawyers:

“Have you ridden thousands of kilometers head-down on an upright bike and never seen the scenery? A recumbent bicycle gives you a fighting chance of identifying the driver who just ploughed into you.”

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