Jumping to Conclusions. Not.

The calm and placid exterior Ms Canada displays to the world belies a somewhat more nervous nature. I speak, in this case(*1), of her inability to look at a movie screen if something bad might happen – and the indentations in the seat armrests (or someone’s arm) that result if she fails to look away in time.

This is why I did not take her to see “Jumper”, supposedly a movie with many arm-indenting moments, but instead went alone on Tight-Arse-Tuesday. (cheap tickets, as Tuesday’s a slow day.)

Up front, I give Jumper 2-1/2 stars. It’s got a good premise. It has panoramas that look great on the big screen, plenty of action and lots of Ms-Canada-flinching moments. It is, however, ultimately unsatisfying.

Why? Wooden characters and a plot that doesn’t do justice to the premise are the main problems, but the growing feeling as the movie progresses that the whole thing is either a pilot for a TV series or that the writers were leading up to a sequel really starts to get annoying.

In the end, we are left with the “bad guys(*2)” still out there and ready to kick Jumper arse.

*1 – We shall not speak, of course of her irrational fear of harmless spiders.

*2 – exactly who are the “bad guys” anyway? The Paladins seem to believe that Jumpers are abominations in the eyes of their deity and must be killed. The Jumpers on the other hand – or those that we see in this movie – use their powers for criminal purposes without any real remorse. The protagonist is mostly a thief and conman. The other jumper is happy to steal cars, drop innocent folks in Beirut to get run over by tanks… well, you get the idea. So maybe the Jumpers are indeed an abomination, and we should all be rooting for the appalling white hair helmet sported by Samuel. L. Jackson.

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